i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
