I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
