$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You need Xanax blowdarts
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Randomize
