Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
