I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
