i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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