guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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