i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
