Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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