My first STD was from a foam party
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
