Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
