Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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