I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
