their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
