Only a mothe r could love this liver
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
