Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
