Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
