I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
