we have officially lost it.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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