my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
