Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
