On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
