the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
