Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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