just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
