did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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