a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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