Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
