Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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