I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Do vagina's smell?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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