its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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