ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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