Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
