i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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