the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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