rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
