i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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