It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
