I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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