summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
