You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
