First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
