fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
