I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
