Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
