I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
