i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
