I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
