I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
