I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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