I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
