proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
