I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize