Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
