with your own penis?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
