i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
