You're a womanizer and a bitch.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
