Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
