I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
