for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
