I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
