Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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