When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Pooping to opera.
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