my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
