I've blown a few things in my day
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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