Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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