we have officially lost it.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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