That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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