Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
please come you make the beer taste better
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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