Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
