I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
