she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
