so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
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