Duck Duck Cougar?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
