One girl and one boy is just not enough.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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