I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Randomize
