oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
