Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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